All of the following are within five feet of me as I write this:
Four guitar amplifiers
Two guitars
50 or so harmonicas
A propane torch
A can of WD-40
Two tubes of concrete caulk
A can of compressed air
A giant foam hand
A guiro. Everyone should own a guiro
A crate containing 2,000 rounds of surplus Argentinian military ammo. The owner’s coming back in the morning to claim it, along with other assorted weaponry, on his way out of town
1 empty can of Porkslap Farmhouse Ale
About 400 or so books
An empty tin of Pride of Szeged paprika
Three computers and one old computer case
My Golden Cow trophy for winning the 1997 Crunchland Bowling Tournament
Twenty or so power tubes, many of which are older than me
A dozen or so strands of good-quality Mardi Gras beads, including my wife’s beloved Krewe of Cork beads with little wine bottles on them
A wind-up mechanical crab
A Discwasher. You’ll know what that is if you’re of a certain age
A baseball cap from the Tin Mill Brewing Co. in Hermann, Mo.
A collection of press passes from the 1992 presidential campaign
The front grill from my now-deceased Electar Tube 10 amp
A yo-yo
The Livestrong wristband I wear when I want to remember my dad
The Missouri Power and Light retirement watch I wear when I *really* want to remember my dad
A marriage certificate
An old Royal portable typewriter
About 20 pairs of shoes that keep escaping from my wife’s closet
A tiny model of a skull that can be disassembled so you can look at the brains
A bag of thermometers
Two sets of headphones
A set of Allen wrenches
Water shoes
A cordless drill
My “what if” soldier. Kristi gave it to me when I was freaking out about planning our wedding in 1997. He’s a little plastic Army Man, armed with a flamethrower. He’s come in handy many times over the years
A binder filled with chord charts
The glass sculpture we used as a wedding cake topper
A Mr. O’Lucky doll from The Fitz in Vegas
A wind-up mechanical walking eyeball
An Iron Man Head drinking cup from 7-Eleven
Too many cables to count
A clamp-on LED grill light
A paper shredder
A stringwinder
A WTOP air pressure gauge
And finally…A tiny bottle of Olodum, whatever that is. A temp who was a Brazil native gave it to me years ago. She said I needed to lighten up and that the Olodum would help



  1. What, only one pair of water shoes? I don’t see how you’re going to wind any string with just one pair of water shoes.

  2. I’ve actually never used the stringwinder in conjunction with the water shoes. The stringwinder is designed to help install strings on a guitar (change guitar strings once and you’ll understand why a stringwinder exists). Guitars and water do not go well together. Either the guitar gets warped and/or you get electrocuted.

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