Over at Evanston, Patrick opines that existentialism is the only reasonable philosophy for a journalist to follow when covering the Nats. He offers compelling evidence that the Post‘s Nats beat reporter, Chico Harlan, is using existentialism as a form of insanity prevention.

Good for Harlan — I think that if I had that beat, I’d have jabbed out my spleen with a rusty fork by now — but let me offer a corollary. There’s a scientific theory that explains the Nats’ performance on the field this year: Chaos theory.

An outfielder chasing a routine fly ball, losing it, turning it into a double, spiking the cutoff throw into the ground? Chaos theory. Routine ground ball hits third base, ricochets into center for game-winning double? Chaos theory. Uniforms that say ‘Natinals’ on them? You know the answer. The entire Nats bullpen? Mega-chaos theory.

Central to chaos theory is this: In a chaotic system, you just can’t make precise long-term predictions. You can illustrate this by thinking about the plot to the classic movie The Fly.

In the movie, a fly slips into a teleportation chamber just as a scientist is using himself as the subject of an experiment. Everything seems OK at first, but soon, the scientist turns into a horrible vomit-spewing fly-man mutant. The fly — the element of chaos — blew all of the carefully calculated physics right out the window.

Now think of the Nats’ vaunted “Plan.” It’s in shambles now. The general manager is gone; the manager’s days are numbered; there are lots of questions about the ownership; there’s no clear stream of good players coming from anywhere; the team could become the biggest single-season failure in baseball history. That’s chaos theory writ large.

At a smaller level, any fly ball headed toward Adam Dunn is an experiment in chaos theory. As a fan, you sit there and wait for the horror and think to yourself: Blinding lights? A sudden cramp? A random bumblebee? Vietnam flashbacks? Who knows?

The white elephant status of NatsTown — remember, the neighborhood was supposed to become an urban wonderland instead of the continuing home to a concrete plant, a transmission shop and a whole fleet of garbage trucks — can be attributed to chaos theory. Who knew the economy would turn to cinders and prevent us from having our own little Wrigleyville?

Chaos theory. It explains everything. The Nats are using chaos theory to become the destroyer of worlds. Well, at least they’re good at something.