Look, Lord, you give us an unbelieveable December and January, and for that, we are truly grateful. That was the nicest first three weeks of January I can ever remember, actually.

And then…came February, the coldest month I can remember since I moved out of the Midwest 23 years ago. And when February broke, and March came in somewhat normal, there was hope.

On Wednesday — a day I really couldn’t enjoy because I was in a drug-induced stupor from some dental work — the high was 81. By Friday night, it was sleeting and snowing. Whatever it is we did to piss you off, God, we sincerely apologize. To quote Archie from A Fish Called Wanda, in one of my all-time favorite movie quotes (Archie is being hung by his ankles out of an upper-story window at the time):

I’m really really sorry, I apologize unreservedly. I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

Now can we have some spring?