Oh, Lord, it’s gonna be a long season. America’s obsession with the freaks that pop up when this show gets going every year is just amazing. These early episodes always prove some realities to me: 1) Lots of people are under the mistaken assumption that they can sing; 2) Lots of people who normally can sing don’t do so well a capella; 3) People who can sing a capella, but never have performed on stage, generally aren’t going to do great when thrown in front of TV cameras and lights and told to sing to the most-famous people they’re ever going to meet.

My favorite moment of Wednesday night came when a hairdresser/performer wannabe tried to mousse Simon. That got the usually-off-camera security guards involved right quick. Those guys looked like they could put up a good fight against Jerry Springer’s muscle, and that’s saying something. They chased the guy right out of the room.

By the way, there is no program on television that is improved more than this one by being watched via a DVR/TiVo recording. You can zip right past the most painful and cruel stuff; you can skip the enormous amount of padding that goes into some of the shows; and once the real competition gets going, you can go right past all the results-night crap and get to the meaningful moment. It’s a beautiful thing.