Teddy can’t win. Granted, when your competition is George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abe Lincoln, you’re up against some tough talent. But Teddy had everything going for him Saturday night at the Racing Presidents competition — it was Teddy Roosevelt Bobblehead Night, he was carried into RFK, he had security guards keep back his competitors, he was escorted nearly to the finish line…and he tripped getting out of his ride. George beat him by a nose.

Teddy has never, ever, ever won. This is wrong, wrong, wrong. You’ll also note that since the Racing Presidents feature was initiated last year, the Nats have spent almost all of their time in the basement of their division.

This can’t be a coincidence. Clearly, in fact, it’s a curse. Any fool can see that the Nats won’t win until Teddy wins. This might require some extraordinary steps to, um, ‘slow down’ the competitors (for example, someone could yell ‘BANG!’ as Lincoln runs by) but it’s what the fanchise needs to move ahead.