Dear Lord:

I know that You blessed me with the privilege of being a St. Louis Cardinals fan from my childhood until well into my adult life. I knew the thrill of victory, and even when Satan momentarily blinded that umpire and threw the 1985 World Series to his servants, the Royals, I could not be denied the joy of watching a championship-level team that knew how to win the big game.

But now, Lord, You test me, for I have become a fan of the Washington Nationals. This team finds glory in the regular season, and excruciating pain in the post-season, and now the window is closing on the time when they remain above mediocrity (or worse).

Lord, You may see Washington as a seedbed of wickedness and despair, but that fifth inning against the Cubs seems like an overreaction on Your part. I have seen hundreds of baseball games, and that very well might be the oddest inning I’ve ever witnessed in person (I will give You points for creativity, though).

O Lord, we have suffered enough. Forgive us our sins. Give our Nationals one more chance next year before the team crumbleth. Let us win a playoff series. We don’t have to go to the World Series or even win the league — we just want to be the victor in one of these accursed first-round matches.

In Bryce’s name we pray, Amen.